how to let go
Before you say it, I already know I'm the last person who should talk about this especially with my track record of NOT letting things go. My whole blog page is an open letter to my resistance to letting go of embarrassing situations, resentment, pain and difficult emotions. I am not the queen of letting go, which sounds negative so I soothe my ego by calling myself the Beyonce of pettiness. To give myself credit, I have gotten so much better at dealing with that critical inner voice but she's still lives here and to be honest, she's a b*tch. I had to call it as it is. She isn't nice. She doesn't like you and if she had it her way she would wreak havoc on everything and everyone! That's one thing people fail to understand about kind people, we all have our not so kind side that would slap you upside the head if we weren't always on top of our thinking, emotions, reactions and consequences. Being kind is a choice. Maybe I was just born kind and it withered away with my patience as the years went by, but nevertheless it's a choice that is taken for granted. Just like being nice flows through me like milk and honey, I could easily flip the switch and hand over the controls to the bitchy me, the ego, and you wouldn't know what hit ya...But that's not surprising that I have issues, we all do, I am just sharing mine on the internet again to make a point. What is my point again?
Oh yeah letting go. I wanted to highlight that letting go is a two person job while also being a one person job. It's you vs you. It's your conscious mind vs your subconscious mind. I know you hear the inner voice that interrupts you or reminds you of things you didn't want to remember. It's the voice that is your voice but isn't your voice. Let me try that again. It's the one you're in conversation with. You talk and sometimes you listen. Which one is the real you? I don't know, don't ask me but think about who is talking, listening, directing, shushing, remembering, shaming, empowering? Who is louder? How do they relate to each other? Who do you prefer? Questions are important, and if you have to listen to the chatter on a daily basis you might as well participate in the discussion.
My subconscious is quieter than my conscious mind, but it hasn't always been this way. The mean and fearful version of myself would always have the mic and boy was she loud. Don't get me wrong the conscious mind can be just as toxic as the subconscious mind, the difference is when you want to make a change in your life and finally convince yourself you can do it, the subconscious mind rarely evolves with you. It reminds you that you failed last time, that you aren't good at relationships, that you are not safe in your body or in your home etc. The subconscious mind is in a way always stuck (in the past, in a fantasy or in a loop). The way to let go of a situation or a person may begin with getting rid of their items, deleting contacts, buying something new for yourself and listening to a playlist entitled "Bad b*tch energy only" but it always leads to doing inner work. Inner work like we've talked about is doing the grunt work that no one sees (and might never see) that heal you from the inside out. It's not as extravagant as other goals or as noticeable as losing weight, getting into a relationship or getting a promotion but it's knowing how you think, highlighting your priorities and understanding yourself and how you relate to others. So it's a pretty big deal (not in the moment but it all adds up).
TMI as usual, but I have had to let go of people that don't love me the way I would like them to. I had to understand that if people want to talk to you and be in your life they'll put in the effort and not the excuses. I had to then let my subconscious in on the final decision to let go in order to receive divine Love. What that looks like is every time I catch myself thinking about the person or what could of been, my subconscious doesn't automatically jump on board to guilt me for thinking about them, or shame me for "messing it up" or convince me to try to make it work...again. I simply affirm "I am deserving of divine Love" and then silence. It's easy as pie, ew I hate pie. I also did this with my body image and would simply say "hi" or smile when faced with a photo, angle or region I didn't particularly like. It's so random to be in downward dog and look at your stomach trying to touch your face and say "hi" but when you do, you can't help but smile and be okay with everything. The goal is to stick with it. It's weird and awkward (despite you being by yourself) but it works with repetition just like meditation, therapy or whatever it is you do. You'll find yourself thinking a negative thought, daydreaming about someone who is bad for you, having flashbacks of something you shouldn't of said or done and your subconscious, now a little less b*tchy and judgemental, steps in and says "it's okay", "we'll try again tomorrow", "you're doing great!". You are no longer in the downward spiral aka a shame shit storm but more forgiving, understanding and observant of yourself. You are ready to make big shifts in your life, you are ready to create beautiful truths as well as take down lies. You are ready to let go with grace.
to moving on with an open heart
good luck loves,
