so I wrote you a letter...

So I wrote you a letter

I saw that you were cold so I calmed the storm that lives in my stomach long enough to write something that would hopefully keep you warm

hopefully.

I hope this letter finds you well

I hope you have everything you need

I hope you are everything you need.

Today I got out of bed only a few hours before the sun made its departure

I baked bread and all sorts of things I didn’t know my fingers could

I wish you could of seen it

Something so delightful it makes you forget how miserable you were just a couple hours prior

makes you forget how the self-loathing, regret and self-hate filled your bedroom til you had no other choice but to be it

that before you could bat your eyes open and move from unconsciousness to consciousness

you already hate yourself. hate today.

oh how badly I wanted to wrap this up and take it to your house right over the bridge

if I could pour you some coffee and rub your back

I would

If I could not just say things were going to be okay but made them okay, I would

If my arms weren’t frail but strong enough to hold a magnifying glass over your figure just so you wouldn’t feel so small, I would

If you needed me to hold all the bad long enough for you to have a good day, I would

To see my name light up your phone so you know that someone outside those four walls cares...

But if to keep quiet and away for now is best, then I won’t say another word

And when your body forgets how to be still and rest, we walk up and down the streets at 5:34am til your drunk with tiredness

...

alternate ending #1

I just wanted to remind you that you are not the only one who has a storm as a belly and a carousel for a mind

the constant spinning

that someone else who understands and feels that to stop moving is to drown

To stop the noise is to turn up the voices

"To be locked up" is to be locked up

So that’s why I send you my whole my heart on these pages

That’s why I flip my frame inside out and tell you whats been eating me up inside...

to show you

Because I am you

Not any better or any worse

A mere reflection of every high and bitter low

I am the anxious hands and you're the mantra

or some days I may be the deep cleansing breaths to your panic if you let me

I am not constant

I am not your savior

I can’t save you

But I am here

This is where I live

This is where we all live now

And if you ever need a loaf of bread, coffee in your cup, a voice other then the ones in your head

Know that I’m your neighbor

Know that I’m your friend

And i’ll write to you til I can see you again

alternate ending #1

and finally fall asleep by my opened letter

waiting til you can cross the bridge that divides our houses

waiting to go to the home you have built in other people

waiting to taste the things I have baked for you

the secrets I have saved for you

and the time I have spent waiting for you

but for now

have this letter

have my whole heart

love your friend, busime