Maintaining meaningful relationships

Hello friends! Last week I was wined and dined by one of my favourite people in the world! For the remainder of this post she might be referred to as my wife, my life or my more responsible half. We've known each other since before we could talk. My family would go over to her place for Christmas, Easter, barbecues and uncalled-for visits and her family would do the same. Our duo has been through every childhood and adolescent milestone there is; yet have had our fair share of conflicts (and continue to find little things to fight about). She moved to a town a short drive from here and we didn't get to see each other very often till we started attending the same university. Now speed-forward a couple years and it's like we never spent time apart! She has a beautiful habit of breaking her limited college budget by over feeding me, we spend hours in the library pretending to work, go literally everywhere together and have shared everything about us that we promised we wouldn't share with anyone...ever. She's probably going to read this and let it get to her head, but I wanted to fill everyone in so that this post would have some sort of context.

As much as I love her, we go through periods that we don't talk and/or don't see each other for awhile. We fall into such periods during exam week or whenever one of us is busy investing in a project or sometimes investing in ourselves. After many declined calls and days or even weeks go by, we begin analyzing our shortcomings to avoid repeating them. Our families often joke around about how we're literally the same person and that definitely has its pros and cons. Pro: we have a lot in common, whatever I'm thinking she's already on it (exhibit a: she orders pizza and brings out the wine as soon as I invite myself over). Con: it's like talking to a sassier, smarter and more responsible version of me.

I believe that we grow out of some people in our lives and that other times we stop investing the time. I guess this week's post is about not putting the people you love on a shelf...

Analyze the situation

Be upfront about what your going through. Most of the things that keep us apart don't even involve each other. If something is going on in your life (that your not completely ready to share yet) you should be able to vocalize exactly that. Texting someone that your currently dealing with something that you're not ready to share right away, lifts the burden off your friend/partner/family that you're not ignoring them or that they've done something wrong. Also, take this step to analyze if you will ever tell them/see them and why or why not? Is there a part of you that doesn't trust them? That feels judged by them? That feels uncomfortable? etc. After meditating on these questions, decide if it's just situational or signs of a dying relationship (you should always feel comfortable to share with those close to you, if not all at once, then eventually).

Try time

I know we're all busy bees but one thing we all have in common is time. We have the same 24 hours in a day to spend. We might spend 8 sleeping, 6 working, 2 hours on eating, commuting, napping, gardening, netflixing, attempting to workout or what have you. That leaves us with 8 hours to do whatever the heck we want! Chose wisely. When we say we don't have time to do something, we are essentially saying that we don't want to do it. Sorry, but it's true. Let's say you always wanted to go to the gym before work, but realized that you didn't have the time if you wanted to arrive to work early. One day, your car breaks down on your way to work in the middle of traffic and it takes 2 hours to get this mess sorted out and you will be on time for work instead of early. The time you said you didn't have has magically been spent. You get to chose where you want to be with those 8 hours and not where you have to be. So if you give someone time out of your day, you subconsciously weigh it with all your other priorities and see it fit. Let's stop acting like we don't have control over our day, decisions, time and relationships but consciously chose to invest time in those worth the time.

Meaningful quality time

Like I previously said, time is a major factor when it comes to maintaining any sort of relationship. The only reason my siblings and I get along extremely well is because we are one of those do-everything-together-families (that includes matching at weddings and graduations). Also, most of my extended family in Canada are not biologically related to me but have given my family enough laughs, memories and food to qualify as aunts, uncles and cousins. All this is to emphasize that family is made through meaningful quality time. When giving someone time out of your day, realize that you are giving time out of your life that you will never get back! Make sure the time spent is enjoyable, fruitful or constructive for enjoyable fruitful times to come. I hope your friendships' purpose is not for any sort of material gain or some achieved status or gossip or negativity towards yourself or others, but to purely nourish your soul. You should aim to leave people lighter and brighter then when you found them, and I pray you receive the same treatment...

I personally know that I'm a hermit and can happily spend all the time in the world by myself. And as much as I love love love the people in my life, I know I have to work on giving them the time of day. The same applies when giving others or myself space. This week, I encourage you to tend to the garden that is your life by maintaining fruitful relations, digging out everything that no longer serves you and hopefully planting new seeds.

To finding and keeping meaningful relationships,

Cheers

Bonus:

Affirmations:

I am able to maintain healthy relationships/friendships

I value my time

I am a good friend and I welcome good friends into my life

I have more then enough time to live my life the way I desire

I have more then enough time to spend on the people that matter

I have control over my day, life and decisions

I know how to prioritize my time

I completely trust the people in my life

I deserve to not only be in a relationship/friendship, but to be respected and heard