showing up for myself

Showing up for yourself takes two components. Firstly, the showing up part. And secondly, being the most authentic, open and vulnerable you.

One part is easier than the other so I'll take it slow.

"Showing up for yourself" is something I am not quite sure where I first heard the saying, so I won't quote anyone on this. It's essentially the act of catching yourself about to slide back into a bad habit, quitting the self-sabotage, giving whatever you're doing all of you. It's about being present. Most importantly, it's about wholeheartedly going for something.

Think about a time you weren't fully present when pursuing a goal, or put in half the effort in an assignment, conversation or relationship. Things fell through. And you probably didn't care about the consequence because you knew it wasn't your best work. Or maybe you regretted not putting all you could into that project...

Not showing up for ourselves is self-sabotage in it's purest form. Well a mix of self-sabotage and/or fear. But let's start with sabotage. When you don't show up with your truest self you are shielding yourself from a sense of failure, embarrassment, hurt, rejection etc. You didn't try so you say "I didn't really care about that", "That relationship was going nowhere anyways", "I was joking around about that", "I changed my mind" etc. This saves you from the embarrassment that comes from really going for something and completely falling on your face in front of people you told that "2019 is soooo my year!", "I think he's the one", "I am sooo getting that promotion". We chicken out and go back on our word.

We shield ourselves in our cocoon of half-assing it.

*I should really go back to a year ago and stop swearing so much on my blog but I also rather not*

Anyways, HALF-ASSING IT is when you do something but don't give it your all, which results in whatever your doing turning out very poorly.

We take a couple steps forward then no steps at all. We play the "hare" in The Tortoise and the Hare narrative. We overwork ourselves when it comes to our goals with nothing to show for it. So we decide the next time we shouldn't put it all out there. We play small. Hence, us not showing up for ourselves anymore.

We sit in the comfy warm squishy spot that is comfort. In my case, my room. Again, it's not as bad as it used to be when I would be couped up under tons of blankets eating grilled cheese sandwiches at 2am ignoring people and responsibilities. But on somedays it's pretty close to getting there. I make huge strides and an external force (my mother, uni, negative energy, someone on social media) either says something that rubs me the wrong way or is totally killing it which makes want to through in the towel.

So I start showing up less and less for myself. I start sinking back into busime from early 2019...ew. just kidding we love

her too.

Showing up for yourself as your best self is by far one of the most liberating things you can do. It's owning all that you are and putting it out there. It's not a false sense of confidence, bravado and chest pounding that it takes to show off what you can do. It's vulnerability and honesty. It's showing what you can do, what you're figuring out, what you completely suck at and what you would love to learn. It's unraveling.

It's being present with who you are in this moment. It's accepting you don't have all the answers or any of the answers and stepping up to the plate anyways.

And let me tell you what it's not. It's not selling yourself short or doubting or self-sabotaging or fear of ridicule. It's completely owning it! So future busime (that is slowly sinking into old yucky habits), note to self: forgive, shower, get dressed, post, tap into loving energy and show up for yourself!

-from present you

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson